Sometimes, we have fun.

A few weekends ago we jumped on the "highway" and headed to Nashville. Our good friends Emily and Mike braved it with us (they're the bestest!)
Some of the highlights:

• The bloody hotel (vomit)
• Our waiter . . . or was it our waitress? (gender issues)
• The tunes on main street (hello awesome blues band and dueling pianos)
• The coupon book that saved us roughly $73 dollars
•  The pool - or lack thereof
• Opryland Hotel. Seriously, so cool.
• Randomly stopping for gas in Metropolis, Illinois - hometown of Superman.

And I had to remind myself that I still know photoshop. Lucky you!

"Spjute-ing It"

Confession to anyone who doesn't know me (because I'm pretty sure everyone who does know me, already knows this): I am kind of (really) OCD when it comes to being prepared for things and thinking ahead about what I might need.  I guess I just don't like the stress that comes when things have to be done last-minute, so I try to avoid it at all costs, and I like to get things done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

For examples:

• I'm either early or on time to basically everything.
• All throughout my school years, I ALWAYS had big projects done at least a week in advance. Yes, I was that annoying student who never turned anything in late. Ever.
• BEFORE I was officially engaged: I had an appointment to get my dress (and I already had my choice of dresses narrowed down to just a few), the temple was reserved, the luncheon room and reception rooms were both reserved, the live music for the reception was booked, the photographer was booked (along with a date and time for our engagement photos to be taken), and I had informed my boss he was going to need a new teacher in January. (Good thing neither of us backed out!)
• At my first "We're pregnant!" doctor's appointment, the nurse gave us a bunch of informational pamphlets - one included the info for an all-day "birthing" class at the hospital and she told me they filled up quickly so I would want to book right away. Like any good girl, I gave them a call the following week. The secretary told me they would book us for a class that was fairly close to our due date and asked when mine was. I told her. There was silence on the other line before she busted up laughing.  She said she'd NEVER had anyone sign up that early. Pretty sure I made for a good story among her co-workers that day. (Yes, I know I'm a freak.)

Dan "loves" this about me, and came up with a new verb after we got engaged. He said I could "Spjute" out any task in half the time a normal person could. Generally this overly-efficient way of living is good, but sometimes it makes me too impatient if I can't "Spjute" something out right away. For example, waiting 9 months for a baby to come is WAY too long if you ask me.

So after we found out we were pregnant I started looking for deals on baby stuff - both new and used, and started my collection (we had her crib when I was only 16 weeks prego). I'd say I had more than the average amount of stuff for how far along we were, and since my family threw me a shower I had bags full of cute girl clothes.

I stored almost everything in the closet in the spare bedroom, and since Lydia's passing I have avoided making eye contact with it whenever I had to open the closet door. But I couldn't let it sit there forever, so last week I decided it was time to put it all away. For now. You want to know the amazing thing? I didn't cry. I let myself feel of Lydia's spirit and I truly enjoyed all the really cute things we had. I laid out all the clothes/quilts and took a picture - little girls are just so cute!

I even imagined Lydia wearing each outfit. I folded each piece of clothing and placed it gently in a bin, anxious for the day when Lydia's little sister can wear her "hand-me-downs" while I tell her stories about her older sister who fought so hard for her brief life. In the mean time, I'm sure that every once in a while I will need to get out my box of baby things so I can enjoy the fact that - although her time here was too short - I have a baby girl. And a beautiful one at that.

Le Weep!

Thursday night I made a tragic discovery: my old-school ipod is gone. It might be older, heavier, and thicker than your ipod, but it has stood the test of time and probably has more miles on it than a 1990 Honda Civic.

For the past six years, this thing has been with me in virtually every trip to the gym, helped me stay awake during my daily 30-minute-each-way commute (thank goodness for books-on-iPod), and has traveled with me to Japan, England, Mexico, Canada, Hawaii, Minneapolis, Long Beach, San Francisco, Dallas, Idaho, Oregon, Chicago, Catalina Island, Houston, New York, Seattle, Montana, and probably a few more places I can't remember.

Where is my dear friend? Somewhere in the hands of a Delta employee. It's true. I left it on my last flight (I blame it on the pain meds). But since I haven't been doing any exercising, traveling, or commuting in the last 4 weeks, I didn't notice it was missing until now, and Delta only holds lost and found items for 7 days. Sigh.

My future commuting and trips to the gym could get VERY long. Donations to Pennies for Pods are now being accepted. :)

Recovering

I've decided I'm getting old. While I do recognize that I went through a very major surgery, I am here to tell you that my body is not bouncing back like it would have 5 years ago. I'm a mere 6 weeks from turning the dreaded 30. Woof.

Anyway, I am definitely recovering, and I no longer look like Tim Allen in the movie The Santa Clause (remember how he has to wear sweats to a business meeting to cover up his embarrassing weight gain and he tells people he got stung by a really big bee? That was me!) I'm done retaining water and am now just waiting for my uterus to get back to normal size (apologies to my dad for the use of the "u" word). I don't have energy to run a marathon (or walk one) - so my days are filled with random things: lots of reading, I have to get in at least one episode of Lost each day (thank you netflix), and lots of sleep (I realized the other day that I am like a 2 year old. I sleep at least 10 hours each night, and if I don't get my afternoon nap I get grumpy.) But all in all, I'm doing well and the doctors say I'm coming right along. :)

Here are some random pics for your viewing pleasure:

 This picture doesn't do it justice, but during one of our hospital visits, my i.v. blew and my hand swelled to gargantuan size in a matter of minutes. Dan thought it was cool.

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Just in case you're lucky enough to never have been in the hospital for an extended period of time, flowers really do help brighten the dreary rooms. I'm not exaggerating when I say that every person who walked into our room commented on how beautiful the flowers looked, and how wonderful they smelled. They were right. THANK YOU to those who contributed to this floral blissfulness.

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Lydia's burial dress. Isn't it BEAUTIFUL? Custom-made by a wonderful family friend in Utah. She's amazing enough that she even made us 2 identical dresses, so I have one to cherish forever. THANK YOU!

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My "Lydia Shrine." People have been extremely kind and generous to us during this difficult time. A roommate from college painted "The Lydia Tree" you see on the left. The blanket is the very same one we wrapped her in at the hospital. And the list goes on - so many amazing things to help honor our little girl. THANK YOU!

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And who knew? Apparently my husband should quit school and start his own sandwich-making shop. Seriously - he's a genius when it comes to crafting a delicious masterpiece. Here's what he said moments before I snapped this photo: "It's kind of like holding a giant fish!" Love.Him.

14 in 2!

It's true. I lost 14 pounds in 2 days and am now considering a debut on the Biggest Loser. :) We are home from the hospital and I think it's safe to say that I am now recovering like a normal person. I still have some more water weight to lose, but all-in-all, it feels good to have my body back to normal-ish size. Oh that losing weight after the holidays could be as quick!

Alive and (mostly) Well

If I had things my way I would have my amazing husband continue the blog from here on out. He is my hero and has been my rock through all of this, but I'm not sure I could convince him to do the blogging for much longer. And since it gives me something to do while I recover, you are stuck with me.

Dan put it well when he said I am not a fan of publishing my personal thoughts and feelings on the world wide web (not sure why . . . you'd think the technology teacher in me would be all over that kind of thing) but I will say a few things here.

We feel immense heartache at losing our little Lydia. But we cannot deny that we have been blessed beyond measure.  Those blessings help keep us going during the hard moments. But what has really kept us going is the knowledge we have that we will see Lydia again. I take comfort in the fact that Dan and I were not only married for this life, but sealed to each other and to our children in a Temple of the Lord for time AND for all eternity. And I don't know about you, but I can't wait for eternity.

The Salt Lake Temple where Dan and I were married

I was thinking I might go ahead and list all the blessings we've received (which would mostly include a long list of what people have done for us) but I know I would leave someone or something out, and many items would be much too personal or sacred to share. But once again we extend our gratitude to those who have reached out in any way with words of comfort, support, and love. They do make a difference to us. We thank you and we love you.

And now a little update on us:
After my week-long stint in the hospital, we had a couple badly-needed days of "us" time in our little apartment in St. Louis before we headed to Utah. Both families were awaiting with open arms to comfort and mourn with us. We held a small service for Lydia while there. It was perfect in every way and I will never forget it. Remember how I said we have seen so many blessings? One huge blessing is that we were able to bury Lydia in the same plot as my mom. Which also means she is only a few feet away from my sister. It gives me so much comfort as a mom to know that she is surrounded by family.

My beloved cemetery

After such a major surgery, I of course was not up to 100% when we left, so we spent a lot of time resting for my sake . . . which means we've watched a LOT of Olympics. Go USA! We headed back to St. Louis and went to the doctor  for a check-up . . . . and since I can't do anything the easy way, the doctor quickly admitted us back into the hospital. And we just HAPPENED to be put in the same room as before. The doctors say my water-retention is getting much better (I won't tell you how huge I was) and I should be able to leave tomorrow. Once again, thank goodness for the Olympics to get me through this visit! And hopefully by the next time I write, I won't have to update you on anymore hospital visits. Amen.

Daddy's Little Girl