"Spjute-ing It"

Confession to anyone who doesn't know me (because I'm pretty sure everyone who does know me, already knows this): I am kind of (really) OCD when it comes to being prepared for things and thinking ahead about what I might need.  I guess I just don't like the stress that comes when things have to be done last-minute, so I try to avoid it at all costs, and I like to get things done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

For examples:

• I'm either early or on time to basically everything.
• All throughout my school years, I ALWAYS had big projects done at least a week in advance. Yes, I was that annoying student who never turned anything in late. Ever.
• BEFORE I was officially engaged: I had an appointment to get my dress (and I already had my choice of dresses narrowed down to just a few), the temple was reserved, the luncheon room and reception rooms were both reserved, the live music for the reception was booked, the photographer was booked (along with a date and time for our engagement photos to be taken), and I had informed my boss he was going to need a new teacher in January. (Good thing neither of us backed out!)
• At my first "We're pregnant!" doctor's appointment, the nurse gave us a bunch of informational pamphlets - one included the info for an all-day "birthing" class at the hospital and she told me they filled up quickly so I would want to book right away. Like any good girl, I gave them a call the following week. The secretary told me they would book us for a class that was fairly close to our due date and asked when mine was. I told her. There was silence on the other line before she busted up laughing.  She said she'd NEVER had anyone sign up that early. Pretty sure I made for a good story among her co-workers that day. (Yes, I know I'm a freak.)

Dan "loves" this about me, and came up with a new verb after we got engaged. He said I could "Spjute" out any task in half the time a normal person could. Generally this overly-efficient way of living is good, but sometimes it makes me too impatient if I can't "Spjute" something out right away. For example, waiting 9 months for a baby to come is WAY too long if you ask me.

So after we found out we were pregnant I started looking for deals on baby stuff - both new and used, and started my collection (we had her crib when I was only 16 weeks prego). I'd say I had more than the average amount of stuff for how far along we were, and since my family threw me a shower I had bags full of cute girl clothes.

I stored almost everything in the closet in the spare bedroom, and since Lydia's passing I have avoided making eye contact with it whenever I had to open the closet door. But I couldn't let it sit there forever, so last week I decided it was time to put it all away. For now. You want to know the amazing thing? I didn't cry. I let myself feel of Lydia's spirit and I truly enjoyed all the really cute things we had. I laid out all the clothes/quilts and took a picture - little girls are just so cute!

I even imagined Lydia wearing each outfit. I folded each piece of clothing and placed it gently in a bin, anxious for the day when Lydia's little sister can wear her "hand-me-downs" while I tell her stories about her older sister who fought so hard for her brief life. In the mean time, I'm sure that every once in a while I will need to get out my box of baby things so I can enjoy the fact that - although her time here was too short - I have a baby girl. And a beautiful one at that.