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| Photo by Lindsey Spjute |
In May of the year 2008 I was teaching and renting a house in Salt Lake with a few roommates. I remember on May 9th of that year as I said my prayers before going to bed, I included the welfare and safety of my missionary brother and sister. Several hours later I was startled awake to the sound of my phone ringing. It was my parents. Lindsey had passed out while she was running with her missionary companion in England. They couldn't revive her. She was gone.
The night was still thick with darkness as I raced through the 30 minute drive to be with my family. We sat in the family room in shock. Slowly the rays of the Saturday morning sun crested over the mountain and in through the windows. The long, dark night was over. The sun came out. My mom used to always remind us, no matter how dark the night, to hold on - the sun will ALWAYS rise the next day. She was right.
I don't remember much about that day. I do remember aunt Barb bringing over boxes and boxes of kleenex - not the cheap dollar store kind like Mom always bought, but the soft "this is a pillow for your nose" kind. Bless her. I remember Mom and Dad going crazy inside the house. What do you do when your daughter who was living half way across the world was gone? They felt helpless. Finally Mom stood up and said she couldn't take it anymore. She had planned on planting all her flowers out in the front of the house that day, and she didn't see a reason why she shouldn't get out in the yard.
I joined her outside, and together, on that fateful day before Mother's Day while my dad mowed the lawn, we planted flowers. She taught me some of the tricks about plants Linz had learned through her jobs, and together we dug, planted, and watered for most of the day. There were plenty of interruptions from family, friends, and neighbors - all coming to pay their respects when they heard the news. But by the end of the day the planting was done, and the yard was beautiful and full of vibrant spring colors. An unknown passerby would have no idea of the heartache going on inside a house with such happy and colorful plants decorating its exterior.
The following year, again on the day before Mother's Day, I found myself planting flowers with Mom. Only this time the cancer was eating through her stomach and liver faster than the chemo flowing through her veins could cure it.
The next year I planted those flowers alone.
And so it is that any time I get my fingers in some dirt to weed or to plant, my mind goes back to Mom's flowers. She always made our house and our yard a beautiful place that we were all proud to call home. While each Mother's Day brings an ache for my mom, my sister who left us on mother's day weekend, and my daughter who made me a mother, this year I rejoice in the fact that I am the lucky one. I got to have the most wonderful Mom any girl could ask for, a sister who I used to dance with in our shared bedroom wearing nothing but our little-girl undies, and a beautiful angel daughter who was too pure for this world. Yes, I am the lucky one indeed!